Tuesday, February 3, 2009

"One thing you can't hide is when you're crippled inside....."

3:40 pm
Home

There is normal crazy and there is scary crazy, a thin line exists between these. David Mark Chapman fused these two lines together until his craziness manifested itself as a character in a novel. Ultimately making him more famous than Holden Caulfield could ever be.
Yesterday afternoon I watched The Killing of John Lennon. The movie tries to get inside the head of David Mark Chapman in the months, days and finally hours prior to his killing of Lennon. The recreation of David Mark Chapman is one of a very disturbed man, as he most likely was and probably still is. The movie does a good job of showing how distraught and confused Chapman was prior to his famous killing. Though everything in this movie is subjective to what Chapman has revealed under observation and in psychiatric consultation. Along with what evidence the police were able to gather during their investigation. Overall I found the movie interesting and Chapman frighteningly pathetic, making the death of Lennon much harder to accept. I usually listen to one or more of John's songs a day and yet he was only alive for 2 and a half years of my life. Information about the movie is below.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0881934/
"There are places I remember, all my life, though some have changed, some forever not for the better, some have gone and some remain...."
http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=o2d2llB4oIQ
In My Life by The Beatles
Last Friday was the 40th anniversary of The Beatles last public performance, a short rooftop concert on top of the Apple Records building in London, England. There were celebrations and recreations throughout the world, and here in London, Ontario there was a noon hour imitation rooftop concert. The concert took place on Dundas Street on top of the Coffee Culture building, above a crowd approaching 1000 and forcing police to close down the street. The band played the same set that the Beatles played on that day. I wish I had been in the area, or had know about it. Below is the article from the London Free Press, along with a 3 minute video (off to side of the article) covering the event. I think there is a full length recording on one of the local news sites, but I haven't found it yet.
http://www.lfpress.ca/newsstand/Today/Music/2009/01/31/8214901-sun.html
"Woman I know you understand the little child inside the man........"
http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=PaLfDnShEn0
Woman by John Lennon
I wrote the following last night and I am actually pleased with most of the result.
Unacceptable
The proximity of her body
Begins to ignite my flame
I am warming and yearning
At the prospect of be burnt
I have not been on fire lately
The coldness of this winter
Has left me bitter and alone
Cursing every loving couple
Their fingers locked together
Walking through my streets
Seeing them with glad eyes
Grateful for being accepted
By another soul as they are
I am unacceptable like I am
Isolated from human contact
A phone knowingly off hook
There is no voice of comfort
Besides my musical heroes
Their poetry like a fountain
Flowing over my tired body
I am drowning in sad misery
Unable to drown or lay down
Always waking up breathing
Ten, twenty and thirty years
Death seems closer than love
This seems unacceptable now
Winter has to become spring
A promise was made long ago
I was a witness of its creation
Required to fight until fatality
Took away my life’s meaning
Assuming I can find it myself
The world can be a huge maze
With many puzzles and riddles
Bringing anguish into our lives
Until we are smarter about it
Learning solutions by touching
Instead of withdrawing hands
Feeling and exploring thoughts
Previously ignored with anxiety
Due to a lack of comprehension
Can now be completely stated
I will be accepted for my soul
The immediacy does not matter
My ashes are still skin and bone
There is desire in her proximity
Attempting to warm my winter.
02/02/09
"I was trying to catch your eyes, thought that you was trying to hide....."
http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=6lLs2dC9NaE
Jealous Guy by John Lennon
I went out and did some reading today. For the most part I was able to concentrate on the book I am reading, The Underpainter by Jane Urquhart. In public this isn't always the case, if you are easily distracted, as I can be. There was the usual distraction of someone I find interesting, but she wasn't around long. The following passages are from The Underpainter.
"She had no place, no relevance at all, in this part of my life. She belonged in a light-filled room in the north, a room with a view of landscapes I could frame and sell, her body frozen into poses I could also frame and sell. Her presence in my city life, my winter life, was unacceptable."
A poem within the novel, one that might or might not be of the author's creation.
"Fragrant the rose is but it swiftly fades in time.
The violet sweet, but quickly past its prime.
White lilies hang their heads and soon decay,
And winter snow in minutes melts away.
Such and so withering are our early joys,
Which time and sickness speedily destroys."
We might be crippled and broken inside, but it doesn't mean some of us can't be fixed.
john.
Crippled Inside
http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=zxi-3Hi_T2A
John Lennon

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