4:45 pm
Home
"And the truth is, after a certain while, a certain age, it's too much trouble to make new friends, all that chat, the dinners, the excitement, the laughter, the old jokes trotted out all over again. Too much work."
A Perfect Night To Go To China by David Gilmour.
I read the book in less than a day, lost in its prose and loss.
Today is my birthday. I am thirty-one. I am not one for celebration. I am one for reflection. I cannot feel a physical difference between being 31 and being 25. I am sure I look older and I am sure my body is different. I do feel mentally older, more worn and weathered. Much of my life is spent in my head and among my thoughts.
Today has been a perfectly quiet day, as I wanted. I had dinner with my parents, birthday messages from my nieces, nephew and my sister. Yesterday I had dinner with my grandparents, they gave me a nice card and some money. Tonight I plan on watching the Leafs and the Canadiens, and would like to be in bed before 11. My life is carefully boring and I am better for this.
"I'm reaching deep within myself, I'm trying to tell you what I know....."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JF0I_GXZdpI
Let Your Shoulder Fall by Matthew Jay
I wrote the following this afternoon.
A Canadian Blue Jay Out In The Snow
A mercury thermometer tells me
The weather is becoming warmer
A photograph scrapbook shows me
The man I have become is older
All the white snow begins to melt
I think it will soon be an eyesore
Like the shabbiness of some people
A band named after August plays
The tune is lonely but always good
Winter birds fly from wire to wire
Chirping their own unique melody
Women pass by hinting of perfume
The smell lingers after their passing
I like pretty smiles and dark glasses
Curly hair, intelligence and patience
Attraction distracts me until rejection
Feigning indifference is never simple
I do not bleed as much as previously
There does not seem to be a reason
My pain is only a reopened abrasion
The cause of which has moved away
I am not healed, healing or broken
Somewhere in between I am waiting
For spring, summer or perhaps fall
A new song to played on the piano
The radio never brings me any love
All I hear is manufactured ignorance
Occasionally brilliance seeps through
Reminding me of my own potential
Kindness ultimately finding success
In a world of vanity and its cruelty
Where appearances cannot deceive
There is no chance for us to show
Our personalities and our character
Things conceived but not perceived
Because rejection makes us conceal
A Canadian blue jay out in the snow
I am at home where shadows plunge
Darkness is only a state of my mind
Loneliness though is another account
A story to be appreciated in due time
When love has come to rest inside me
Finding its comfort in a bed of pleasure.
02/07/09
"You feel a little shy these days because everybody goes away....."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lm_0PdrnUm0
Good Time by Counting Crows (live O2 wireless festival 2008)
It wouldn't be appropriate on my birthday not to have a Counting Crows clip. Eventually what we are looking for is a good time.
The featured song below encompasses exactly what I don't want to become, a remainder.
john
Long Division
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bkerZYWRrmQ
Death Cab For Cutie
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