Go Here

http://anotherhorsedreamersblues.blogspot.com/

"I wish that I was anesthetized and sterilized, and then we wouldn't have this evidence congealing......"

This summer has been the wettest I can remember. I do not mind the rain much but would rather sit outside on my balcony reading than be inside. I really need to purchase a few new books because my unread selection is lacking. If I had a couple of grand to drop on books, I would buy everyone on my list and disappear inside them.
Today we didn't get more than a few drops of rain but the humidity is annoying. I suppose in a perfect world it would be 22 or 23 Celsius each day with a little breeze and lots of sun. I have never lived in a perfect world, you might or might have.
I will be happy when the baseball trade deadline passes Friday, all the speculation is getting to be a bit much. I guess because around here it greatly involves a classless bum like J.P. Riccardi and a classy pitcher like Roy Halladay. He should trade him from a baseball business decision but he should never have been allowed to get to this point with this team. Ground Zero is the only hope for the Blue Jays, rebuild and see what happens in 4 or 5 years without Riccardi and Halladay.
I really need to start watching some good movies again, it has been so long. I tend to stay in bubbles longer than necessary, very little gets in and very little gets out.
I wrote the following last night.
Sliver
The night is not for writing
Earth’s moon is but a sliver
Replicate of my confidence
The night is for considering
Tossing and turning in bed
Kept up by Earth’s oceans
The morning is for sleeping
Waking only opens wounds
Earth’s sun is but a mirror
No longer reflecting smiles
I have almost disappeared
Without needing to return
All the dusty books boxed
Fingerprints left on covers
Earth’s satellites spinning
Showing us how far away
We are from anyone else
Dots on various horizons
Spread across landscapes
Drawn, imaged or natural
All the good dreams lost
Heartbreaks left on souls
Earth’s dwellers weeping
The night is not for loving
Nothing but a sliver lasts.
28 July 2009
Below is another 10 set of Counting Crows related live performances, especially of note this time is the poignant and rarely played Carriage aided by Jim Bogios father Chris on trumpet, very moving.

Angels of the Silences
Rotterdam, Netherlands
May 4, 2009

Cowboys
Rotterdam, Netherlands
May 4, 2009

Up All Night (Frankie Miller Goes To Hollywood)
Rotterdam, Netherlands
May 4, 2009

Carriage
Berkeley, California
July 26, 2009

Mercury
Adelaide, Australia
March 26, 2009

Mr. Jones
Berkeley, California
July 26, 2009

Cecilia with Augustana
Berkeley, California
July 26, 2009

Washington Square with Dan Layus of Augustana
Berkeley, California
July 26, 2009

Miami
Berkeley, California
July 26, 2009
(Pay particular attention to the drunken fan who makes it up on stage during the song and also notice how it does not faze Adam at all)

This Land is Your Land with Augustana and company.
Berkeley, California
July 26, 2009
And so another night fades and the moon is yours, should you need it to illuminate something precious in this life.
jr.

Beneath the sun in the summer, a sea of flowers won`t bloom without the rain....

Below is my favourite song of the moment.

Never Forget You by The Noisettes
I wish it was autumn already, the weather this summer has been crummy and at least if it was autumn we would have the colours.
Accepting and letting go of things out of our control is never easy but once we learn how to it makes living slightly easier. The end of anything does not always have to be sad, it can simply be just a phase in our lives. People come and people go, we leave or we stay, it is all rather random.
I wrote the following earlier this afternoon after being forced inside out of the rain. Though I think I had already had enough of a reading a book written by George W. Bush, even if it was written before his presidency. I can only stomach so much of his politics and false modesty.
The Lost Child of Aquarius
I do not live in a fishbowl
You cannot see me drown
There is privacy to protect
You will not hear from me
The lost child of Aquarius
I will carry water to shore
But no more tears for you
Our past should be burned
The smoke suffocating us
I will choke but never die
Breathing alone is simpler
You horded too much air
Oxygen should be shared
Selfishly you never could
Summer is still maturing
I wonder about your life
Without mirrors and sex
Can whores save beauty
For when youth vanishes
The way mine has lately
Without warning or time
A deadly foe like cancer
Black spots on a screen
I wonder about my life
Old friendships leaving
Their relevance passed
Everything runs a course
I would rather walk alone
Before accepting invites
My soul needs its peace
There are old bad habits
Which should be broken.
24 July 2009
Below is another random live set of Counting Crows related clips.

Blues Run The Game
October 2008
New Jersey

Fire
Augustana with Adam Duritz
July 22, 2009
Temecula, California

High Life
July 2009
Somewhere out in America

Goodnight Elizabeth
July 22, 2009
Temecula, California

Miami (acoustic, a song for Amelia)
July 2009
Somewhere out in America

Why Should You Come When I Call
CC with Michael Franti, Spearhead, Augustana and more.
July 21, 2009
Greek Theatre Los Angeles, California

Time and Time Again (for Isaac Hayes)
August 12, 2008
Saratoga, New York

Black and Blue
June 29, 2009
Columbus, Ohio

Angel From Montgomery
CC with Emmy Rossum and Augustana
July 22, 2009
Temecula, California

This Land is Your Land
CC with Michael Franti, Spearhead, Augustana and more.
July 21, 2009
Greek Theatre Los Angeles, California
The intense summer storm of this afternoon is a memory of thunder cracking, rain pelting, hydro flickering and clocks flashing.
john edward charles....

Nobody here gets a word that I say and the problems I`m told, are more than medical.......

The Major League Baseball All-Star game was last night and it was actually a rather interesting game. I was going to write enjoyable but my favourite player Roy Halladay got hit hard after getting 5 straight outs before giving up 3 runs. He also had to bat and did not even have his own helmet. As much as he is my favourite player, the Jays need to trade him to get better for the future and he needs to go to a team with a General Manager who knows what he is doing. By the way, the American League won 4-3, and the National League now has not won since 1996.
Below is another 10 set of Counting Crows live performances, the version of a Long December is the best I have heard in years.

When I Dream of Michelangelo
From Sunday Mornings
July 2009 Somewhere out in America

Perfect Blue Buildings
From August and Everything After
August 8, 2007 Tulsa, Oklahoma

Recovering The Satellites
From Recovering The Satellites
May 8, 2009 Dublin, Ireland

New Frontier
From Hard Candy
July 9, 2009 Sarnia, Canada

Hard Candy
From Hard Candy
Summer 2007 Somewhere out in America

Rain King with Augustana
From August and Everything After
September 21, 2008 Seattle, Washington

Daylight Fading
From Recovering The Satellites
May 13, 2009 Birmingham, England

Mr. Jones
From August and Everything After
March 21, 2008 Good Morning America NYC

Miami
From Hard Candy
May 8, 2009 Dublin, Ireland

A Long December
From Recovering The Satellites
August 19, 2008 Toronto, Canada
I wrote the following this afternoon.
Summer is the Currency of the Blowing Breeze
Wrapped up toilet tissues hide our discretions
Polyurethane protecting us from our creations
The barrier between being needy and greedy
A thin walled membrane separating our cells
Defining male and female from boy and girl
The summer children play but eventually age
Their memories are defined by happy or sad
Rarely is a child indifferent like most adults
I am a hoarder of lyrics to my personal songs
A soundtrack for defining moods and seasons
Summer is the currency of the blowing breeze
You might forget but the writer in me cannot
Inspiration visits less frequently than before
I barely recognize myself in the cloudy sky
When the poems are read back to me today
Could a person only script the future to fail
Every potential love dies like vases of roses
Their petals more beautiful as they crumble
Destroying is my answer to others creating
I am a nuance to myself and find it pleasing
This has to be the reason for being faraway
Closeness is like a mirror and they scourge
Emotionally harmful more than physically
The body heals under the sun of a July day
Everything appearing normal on the shore
Under the waves the ocean trembles softly
I walk through the sand leaving footprints
Until the water washes my presence away
The moon is a better friend than the sun
Shadows are more interesting than light
The mind is the mystery worth resolving
Loving will always remain harder for me
Because too much thought has occurred.
15 July 2009
Monday night David Letterman had on a guy who does baseball stances, I found it rather funny.

And last night great music.

You and I Wilco with Feist
Another plane crash today, this time in Iran, it seems it is not safe flying foreign carriers.
Probably just an anomaly.
It has just started to rain here in southern Ontario.
If you are somewhere out in America, check out the circus.
http://www.travelingcircusshow.com/
john.

Have you seen the little pieces of the people we have been.......

I have decided to slightly switch directions in my blog posts. There will be less of my thoughts and opinions on life, except in my poetry, which I will continue to post. I am going to share music I love, mostly live performances by Counting Crows. I hope to capture the diversity of the band through their live performances. With each post you will get a random set of videos, which might not flow like a live concert but will give you some idea of what you might experience at a live concert. My major interests in life right now are music, managing my fantasy baseball team, watching the Toronto Blue Jays, reading and Letterman. So I suppose I might comment on those hobbies, and provide you with links to what I am reading. There is a wide world out there, as most of you know and are living in it. This is a small wave of information in a wide ocean. I am usually drowning but you might be swimming.
Le Ballet D Or
From Sunday Mornings
May 31, 2008 Luxembourg

1492
From Saturday Nights
February 8, 2008 World Cafe Philadelphia

Have You Seen Me Lately
From Recovering The Satellites
February 5, 2008 Fuse Television

Round Here
From August and Everything After
Pinkpop Holland June, 2008

You Ain`t Going Nowhere
Bob Dylan cover
August 19, 2008 Toronto, Canada

Why Should You Come When I Call with Augustana
From Hard Candy
July 2009 Somewhere out in America

Speedway
From This Desert Life
July 9, 2009 Sarnia, Canada

Anna Begins
From August and Everything After
May 26, 2009 Sheffield, England

Colorblind
From This Desert Life
June 27, 2009 Chicago

Come Around
From Sunday Mornings
August 19, 2008 Toronto, Canada

The book I am currently reading is called I Know This Much Is True by Wally Lamb. It tells the story of two twin brothers, one with schizophrenia and one without. I am about 300 pages through what I think is around 800 pages. A link to information about the book is below.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Know_This_Much_Is_True
I wrote the following last night.
The Word Forever Means Very Little To Me
The July sun has begun its daily descent
A fireball of red burning our green trees
I missed its arrival on the wings of birds
Their morning songs no longer wake me
Staying comatose opposes the emptiness
I am safer when my eyes are tightly shut
The love is dried and blotched like skins
Chances are it will never be crystal clear
I have complicated things beyond repair
A shaking hand of nervousness remains
Where firmness and strength are wanted
I rarely venture out to my favourite spots
The river no longer finds me by its banks
Mother Nature has no solace to offer me
I used to memorize landmarks and signs
A collector of resting places for romance
When believing was as easy as breathing
I do not bother anymore with luck games
My karma is inevitably bad in this phase
There might be others after reincarnation
I believe in the nothingness of existence
The insignificance resulting from living
After thousands of years have dissipated
I will not be thought of like every person
Our Earth becoming ashes in outer space
Where our superior technology failed us
I do not want part of the story being told
My mind requires more and craves facts
The word forever means very little to me
I need a fixed date of our supposed return
Life gives a negative return on investment
There is no way any of us are getting rich
I suffer and should not like endless others
While people are silently in physical pain
They have no complaints and are faithful
I wish believing in anything was possible
But for me it will be more than a red sun
Even a woman who cares might fail here
I am far from the person who once cared
Whether being kind was enough for love
History has big screened its inadequacies
I am only here for the music and popcorn.
13 July 2009
Living is a lifetime commitment.
Happy 58th Birthday Dad.
john.

"Turn the lights down low and close the door, I'm trying to feel the way, I felt before, I'll cry in the middle of the day.........."

A great song from Pete Yorn, Don't Wanna Cry.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T2j6Zx4GF7c
So the Pittsburgh Penguins won the Stanley Cup Friday night, beating Detroit 2-1 in a rather boring game 7. The game definitely didn't live up to the hype and Sidney Crosby was left watching the end of the game with a knee injury. As deserving as I thought he was of winning the cup after a good playoff, Malkin won the Conn Symthe trophy over an equally deserving Marc-Andre Fleury. I am happy the Penguins won but wasn't pleased with Crosby showing up the Wings by taking his time making it the traditional handshaking. The captain of the Detroit Red Wings Nicklas Lidstrom didn't help matters by leaving the ice quickly and not waiting for Crosby, though I don't blame him after being on the losing side. As I get older, I appreciate more and more the greatness of Wayne Gretzky, Gretzky would never have done what Crosby did. Gretzky was classy whether he won or lost. The clip below pretty much sums up Gretzky, it is taken from his final game over ten years ago now, Bob Cole's brilliant narrative accurately describes Gretzky's character.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U93zJNDgZcY
Over the weekend Iran's President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad won a nearly 2-1 landslide over reformist Mir Hossein Moussavi. This result is another blow to democracy in the Middle East and has produced protests in Iran not seen since 1979. I am not surprised by the results because I expect nothing but fraud and lies from the Iran and the region as a whole. There are those usually in the majority but holding a minority of power or money who want change but can't foster it because their lives aren't valued. Those with the majority of power will attempt to keep it at all costs and the world of sanctions does nothing to stop them. They can't be removed because the world lacks the courage or the resources. The article below does a job of explaining the situation.
http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/meast/06/15/gerges.iran.election/index.html
Today was another fine spring day, there were low and rather large white clouds, they scattered about between blue skies and watched as occasional aircraft passed by. Being close to the airport, albeit not a busy airport, the sky gets interrupted by aircraft from time to time. I saw what looked like a 747, a couple of twin-engined low flyer's, a couple of jets flying high and trailing white vapour and the hospital emergency helicopter, its orangeness is an almost daily sight.
I wrote the following piece late this afternoon after thinking about spring and summer merging, hoping spring's weather would last long into the summer. There of course is a sadness in the piece, like everything I write and the part of about tears, might be true. I really don't know but it fits very well with Mr. Yorn's song.
An Open Palm
Spring will soon arrive at the gates of summer
A pearl reflecting sunlight from an open palm
Offering cool breezes and white wedding days
When August's heat becomes too much to take
Our memories will place us safely in the shade
Where familiar music is played and love made
Until October finally lets us be free in autumn
Pilgrims searching for colours to define beauty
I am a collector of thoughts usually unrelated
They ramble like old drifters between villages
Pursuing a better life or simply growing tired
Restless sleeping under the same roof or stars
No matter the season and its current progress
When the time comes thoughts like people go
Their departure can leave a mysterious aura
Questions with only air to dry them out on
Our eyes are washed clean by psychic tears
Paraded down our cheeks in shameful lines
Crying is absolutely necessary and healthy
There often does not have to be a reason
Beethoven could very easily make us flood
I should take my own advice but rarely do
Stubbornness like emptiness are my fortes
Inspiration is an unknown women smiling
When all around me is my usual frowning
The reflection of myself as a cranky man
After youth has left my side like everyone
Who really mattered through the silences
A string will remain where pearls shined
Their absence is equally as breathtaking.
15 June 2009
I shaved my playoff beard tonight, well it was actually only an 8 day old beard but still it really started itching last night. I can't go more than 2 weeks but my skin is usually better when I don't shave, well better by my standards anyway.
I missed the sunset writing this, which I only decided to do after realizing I had already seen tonight's episode of Big Bang Theory and the rest of CBS' Monday night lineup. I only watch half hour shows, my attention span doesn't last an hour and I don't really like too many of the half hour shows, so I don't really watch much television. I did happen to see the preview below of the Cleveland show coming this fall on FOX, I even laughed at its mention of Adam Duritz as that munch from Counting Crows. The preview is below.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sT-sNBKpDEo
So why not a couple of Counting Crows clips.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RNhJ2s2P4fY
Einstein on the Beach (Fan video)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HFyBKViaP2I
Baby I'm a Big Star Now (Fan video, not a very good one, scary in fact)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JvKk4QxA-H8
Oh La La (Fan video)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=48sAQnRYMMo
Mr. Jones (acoustic Storytellers)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I2YNBveCrLo
When I Dream of Michelangelo (October 2008 NJ)
Well those are my ramblings for this fine June evening, even if I did miss the sun setting and there were no new laughs regarding big bang theories.
john edward charles.

"You don't need to know that much about me..."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=USjuOWLyWIQ
You and I is a song that will be included on Wilco (The Album) to be released June 30. The song features classic Wilco guitars, Jeff Tweedy's vocals and vocal help from Canadian "it" girl Feist. I really liked their last collection of music Sky Blue Sky and new Wilco music is always a welcomed addition to my music library.
The date tells me this is my first blog entry in nearly a month. I am really not very interesting and I am really not very social, so there is really not anything exciting for me to write about. Though I suppose I have my ramblings to share.
The hockey season will finally be over tonight. It is longer than the baseball season, for those who like to complain about the length of the baseball season. Hockey starts in early October and will end in early June, lasting over 9 months. You could almost conceive and bear a baby during this time. Whereas the baseball season starts late March or early April and ends late in October, this is only 8 months. You could conceive a child and still get out of town during this time.
Lord Stanley Cup's will be presented tonight to the winner of game 7 between Detroit and Pittsburgh. Detroit won it last year and I am hoping for the major upset tonight. Even all the Crosby haters know that he deserves the cup after his strong playoff performance.
Dave and Conan.
Letterman and Palin.
Where to begin?
Television just before and after midnight has got much more interesting in the past 2 weeks. I am biased towards Dave, always have been and always will be, do I think his jokes about Palin's daughter might have crossed a line, yes I do. But Sarah and her husband's reaction have been extremely over the top, Dave has been on television for 30 years, he isn't out molesting girls or has he ever made suggestions that this was appropriate behaviour. The U.S. media on the right, Fox News in particular, needs someone to attack, and they are doing their best on Dave. Palin needs to get back into the public eye and why not use Dave like he is using her. Other more important people have fought back after being the brunt of Letterman's jokes, and Dave is always ready for a good fight. His relevance goes beyond being funnier or not than any other talk show host, he often says things we wish we could say and explains things better than most newscasters. His show following 9/11 says more about him than anything Palin could ever say. She should get back to governing Alaska because aren't there more important economic issues to focus on rather than a few cheesy jokes. Your daughter was "knocked up" and you do look like a slutty flight attendant at times, get over it. Like him or hate, Dave was making jokes like this in 1982, 1989, 1995, 1999, 2003 and 2009, and if you don't like him you can watch Conan, or Jay at 10 in September.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xut56q77GK0
Dave's comments following 9/11.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCO22jxMrrQ
Dave's tribute to Paul Newman.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oDrxOM3jsxY
Dave's tribute to Johnny Carson.
This is a man who will mean more to the American people than Palin will ever.
As for Conan, I think he is funnier than Dave, except for his interviews, Dave kicks any of the late night hosts asses during interviews. I will watch Conan during commercials or when he is being funny, but I will watch Dave first, until he decides to retire, relevant or not, funny or not. It is what I grew up watching and will continue doing so.
I still read a lot and the last book I finished was 'Tis (A Memoir) by Frank McCourt. I like the following passage from it.
"It's the first time I ever had lemon meringue pie and I'm thinking if this is the way they eat all the time in America I won't be a bit hungry and I'll be fine and fat, as they say in Limerick. I'll have Dostoevsky for the loneliness and pie for the hunger."
I finally wrote something new the other day, and it is below.
No Escape Plan
My unexplainable absences have continued through spring
Summer's coming thunderstorms threaten to obliterate me
I emptied my heart trying to grow old before it was proper
Kindness was never enough for love and beautiful women
The rejection filled my head through every lonely evening
Dreams with happy endings never came but poems stayed
I care very little about them now and beauty is not for me
Ugliness will always remain at the core of my self image
There is nowhere for it to go and it is no longer venomous
Accepting defeat is never easy even if gracefully handled
Embracing silence can eventually bring peace to thoughts
I can be alive without having to worry about living right
Each day is a celebration against death until nothingness
The brilliance of not knowing you were right about God
Scarred skin and strong bones decomposing or burning
Becoming insignificant like the Earth in a blink of time
We are characters in a horror movie with no escape plan
Some of us play starring roles and will be remembered
The gospel according to John says none of us mattered
Beyond the moments of our present and instant futures
Death gives others a chance to mourn until they forget
Nobody who knew Jesus is alive today to tell us truths
Religion preys on the foolish as Marx and Freud knew
Poe saw its evolution out of fear, greed and imagination
You should believe, if you can, because what do I know
You should love, if you can, because maybe I am unable
The elegance and excitement of romance never lingered
My faithful friend melancholy would wait around for me
Together we could watch the full moon and ponder life
I often thought it was better sitting alone consuming tea
There was no drama of hearts mending but trust refusing
Sex being accomplished without love making it special
Mornings of conflicting thoughts and emptied feelings
Warm hands suddenly becoming colder than last winter
Too many questions plague some of us each passing day
All the answers are unsatisfactory and lacking in virtue
I make myself out to be more complex than is necessary
This happens when you are boring, bored and displeasing
A need to be creative, inspiring and attractive takes over.
10 June 2009
A few Counting Crows clips to share.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNWIa_A5_8w
Round Here (October 2008 N.J.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qIKMIpuUYwk
Anna Begins (May 26, 2009 Sheffield, England)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gzMNbqyPPzo&feature=channel_page
Recovering The Satellites (Dublin 2009)
Today has probably been the nicest day of June so far. The sun is supposed to be out and shining for a few days, but no matter what the weather is, there will always be a little light shining in my heart. Some of you may never see it, some of you might glimpse it, for some of you it might be too bright but for one of you, it might just be right.
john edward charles.

"How will you ever know, the way circumstances go, oh its going to hit you by surprise but I know my past....."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xw3zreo4ZvQ
Five Days in May by Blue Rodeo
It has been as I predicted a lacklusture Queen Victoria long weekend here. Much like the hockey game this afternoon between the Wings and the Hawks. Detroit's win was tiring to watch and not at all as exciting a game as one would have thought.
I wrote the piece below an hour or so ago.
Bitterly Adult
The days can weave themselves a meaningless pattern
Births, funerals, marriages and divorces unrecognized
People coming and going without remembering either
Our mind conspiring with insanity creating bad karma
Every comment uttered bites back at us full of venom
I am getting very good at being absent but not invisible
The latter is impossible because we are always viewed
Society forces us out into the light and its cruel hunger
Guys devour girls from head to toe and nipple to clitoris
Women steer men towards their own mirrors and vanity
Everywhere is Hollywood and imperfection is nowhere
I am about as completely flawed as anyone can become
There is hardly a day where I am not surprised by living
My confidence does not exist and my nucleus is broken
The heart still beats but unlike earlier it no longer loves
Stubbornness keeps me from dying unnecessarily today
I suppose it will continue until there is sufficient regrets
How can these really be measured one person to another
Spoiled by a calm childhood has made me bitterly adult
The reasons began physically and have become mental
Mannerisms are natural but mine are strangely peculiar
With money I could be eccentric but the poor are weird
I can hear the wind of another cool but sunny afternoon
May is being unpredictable unlike me solemnly writing
There has not been enough rain to wash the street clean
Dirt will last longer than you or me and you will forget
My memories know more about me than you will learn
The elderly couple embraces as they did fifty years ago
Death knocks for one of them but neither one is ready
I am genuinely inspired by their strength but still weak
A year or two of peaceful sleep would do a lot of good
But unfortunately there is waking and everything after.
17/05/09
Obligatory Counting Crows Clips:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2IpfsxszVEQ
A Long December (May 16, 2009 Cardiff, South Wales)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GTKbH9gTdmQ
Mr. Jones (May 16, 2009 Cardiff, South Wales)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ATboL2bb4Ss
Speedway (May 16, 2009 Cardiff, South Wales)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_qso9x8N7Y
When I Dream of Michelangelo (May 11, 2009 Manchester, England)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T1at1_f218A
Miami (May 14, 2009 Wembley Arena, London, England)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_G0019pddU
Colorblind (May 11, 2009 Manchester, England)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZ7UQHSHJTw
New Frontier (May 14, 2009 Wembley Arena, London, England)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NmcVSums-_A
Come Around (August 19, 2008 Toronto, Canada)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1huAWlXu8tY
Good Time (May 14, 2009 Wembley Arena, London, England)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_fKpIuWHbLc
Holiday in Spain (May 14, 2009 Wembley Arena, London, England)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zHB5xM_UQXc
Children In Bloom (May 13, 2009 Birmingham, England)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9XNgmM0KJXs
You Ain't Going Nowhere (August 19, 2008 Toronto, Canada)
Those who say knowing is better obviously do not know enough.
jr.

"Saw Cinderella in a party dress but she was looking for a nightgown, I saw the devil wrapping up his hands, he's getting ready for the showdown..."

From Monday's performance on The Late Show with David Letterman.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2DgeXDFL1Ac
A Dustland Fairytale by The Killers
From The Master by Colm Toibin, a part factual and fictional novel about the writer Henry James.
"What once was life, he thought, is always life and he knew that her image would preside in his intellect as a sort of measure and standard of brightness and repose."
There will be people throughout our lives who every other person is measured against, fairly or more accurately unfairly.
"He lived, at times, he felt, as if his life belonged to someone else, a story that had not yet been written, a character who had not been fully imagined."
I live more than at times like this.
It is the Victoria Day long weekend here in Canada. I am sure many plans will be ruined or altered by the usual rain. There is nothing like dreaming of summer weather in May but being awoke by the coldness of spring. Though this weekend it is more likely the rain rather than the cold which will be a problem. I have no plans other than having dinner with my grandparents tomorrow.
I have already been over there a couple of times this week, as my dad and I were working on their garden and putting up a new fence. I wouldn't say I am getting a green thumb but I am getting plenty of dirty under my nails trying.
I wrote the piece below yesterday, trying to recall what was a enjoyable Saturday night last weekend. I probably should have broken down the piece to make it look better but I just left the sentences long and rambling, abusing the comma.
On A Saturday Night In May
Outside the wind marched defiantly around like Napoleon's Grand Armee before Russia, Saturday night girls wore their summer dresses though May had barely begun maturing, A porcelain skinned fairytale princess sent text messages to her absent prince charming, The dark but very familiar basement Irish pub echoed with a cover song about Alabama, I longed for the sweetness of a piano being played and the fullness of a moon being seen, Instead birthday celebrations continued and blue eyes became golden after the head rush, Lights slowly illuminated like miniature versions of the morning sun still sleeping calmly, The crowd lingered while pondering their reality or the semblance they were left holding, We slowly made our way up the stairs like many others and reemerged out on Richmond, There was not a freight train to wait for and my friends began their search for night food, I laughed at the results of alcohol on people while walking a step or two behind as usual, The lines were chatty and long as not unexpected but were quickly abandoned for home, Walking down Pall Mall brought back many previous memories of other Saturday nights, Some of them were shared with the princess on one arm and the birthday girl on another, I felt peacefully needed like a necessary escort in a world lacking mannered gentleman, Goodnights always come too soon after you have enjoyed yourself rather unexpectedly, Happiness is not a good friend of mine and I should try harder to appease its visitations, There might be a place where my solitary sorrow could appreciate its many faced gifts, Dust has not rendered me irrelevant thus far and perhaps I have more memories to share, Creating them might just find a way to bring love where it always seemed rather vacant.
14/05/09
Counting Crows Clips
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SswG-1Q3fFM
Round Here (Letterman March 31, 1994)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t6-rwVPP0tY
Miami (Acoustic) (Absolute Radio May 2009)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kI7ruq40bLg
Mrs. Potter's Lullaby (Birmingham, England May 13, 2009)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6vK7D8kGuy8
Colorblind (Birmingham, England May 13, 2009)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rzw23fS2T1k
Come Around (Birmingham, England May 13, 2009)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-_e5jMP1rqM
Daylight Fading (Birmingham, England May 13, 2009)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ohgxN6dw11o
Washington Square (Manchester, England May 12, 2009)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gTq83-GLSg0
A Long December (Toronto, Canada August 19, 2008)
Enjoy your long or not weekend.
john.

"I know that I would be a fool, not to bet it all on you and let the chips fall where they may....."

A song by Raul Malo to start the blog entry off, his voice and style has caught my ear. He certainly has some of Mr. Orbison's spirit in him.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FOrou5PQYas
Lucky One
You come in from the light and are feathered by the night. There are friends, there are angels, there are strangers and there is music. You walk around amazed you feel alive because you usually do not. The wind is cool and frustrating on a Saturday in May because you long for warmth or some expectation of it. Then you are hugged by the warmth of kindness and realize it never really leaves. It is only us who leave it.
A few Counting Crows clips to share.
Hanging Tree (Summer 2007, somewhere out in America)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3wckZaZJ08
Richard Manuel Is Dead (Acoustic) (August 19, 2008 Toronto)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNMaL9PRXkY
Mr. Jones (Acoustic) (August 19, 2008 Toronto)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQX0BoQVWXM
Come Around (May 8, 2009 Dublin)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n7n5MD3x3r0
Le Ballet D'Or (May 8, 2009 Dublin)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jAAwEjHV0c
Recovering The Satellites (May 8, 2009 Dublin)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gqfoD9u68j8
Have You Seen Me Lately? (May 8, 2009 Dublin)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oq05IZ5lNhE
Cowboys (May 8, 2009 Dublin)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=00nvJQYVwbw
Ghost Train (May 8, 2009 Dublin)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FI8H-Qsq1F0
So another baseball star is a cheater. Is anybody surprised? Probably not. Am I surprised? Not at all. Manny Ramirez has always played for himself. "Manny being Manny" was always everyone's reaction to his laziness or lack of interest at times. Well I guess now "Manny being Manny" includes talking drugs banned by Major League Baseball, drugs used after a cycle of steroids. Manny's career numbers are amazing, .315, 535 homeruns and 1745 rbi's but like the rest of the cheaters he will forever reside outside Cooperstown, and rightly so. He should not even play another game in the league but like Alex Rodriguez, we are stuck watching these frauds make their millions. This is because we still love the game and it perhaps explains everything about love.
The last book I finished reading yesterday, A Good House by Bonnie Burnard is a very good read. I would recommend it.
http://www.powells.com/biblio?isbn=0312420323
john.

"A song for your heart, but when it is quiet, I know what it means and I'll carry you home....."

"If you can't see or hear or touch a man, it's best to let him go...."
A quote from East of Eden by John Steinbeck to start today's blog entry.
The obligatory Counting Crows clips, some good new ones this time around.
Angels of the Silences (May 4, 2009 Rotterdam, Netherlands)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H0_c8Z8wmLw
Holiday in Spain (May 4, 2009 Rotterdam, Netherlands)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RY1LVMycsIE
Anna Begins (May 4, 2009 Rotterdam, Netherlands)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lc9BM8UW75A
Up All Night (May 4, 2009 Rotterdam, Netherlands)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a58ZPeavYik
On Almost Any Sunday Morning (May 4, 2009 Rotterdam, Netherlands)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIpycMxic08
Mr. Jones (Summer 2007, somewhere out in America)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VejZWxIzGWw
The strength of people can be amazing. In the middle of March my grandfather had a total laryngectomy to remove a large cancerous tumour. The surgery was successful and he is currently going through radiation and chemo treatments. But the surgery has left him unable to speak, and the swelling has affected his hearing. He also has trouble seeing and has lost a lot of weight. But despite all of this, there he was on Saturday walking me through what he wanted done to his gardens. I am getting good at reading lips and he had his clipboard, so it wasn't too difficult. Though I am not a good gardener and he was very willing to show me what he wanted done. Quickly grabbing a shovel, a rake or hoe to show me how it should be done. Of course I was worried he was doing too much and my grandmother had her appropriate head shaking at his stubbornness. I think the hardest part of his recovery will be adjusting to not being as physically active as he was before. Even in his middle 80's, he was very active doing his gardens and yard work. Some of this he will have to reluctantly let other people do, others like me who do not exactly have green thumbs. The progress of his recovery is very inspirational, it does me very good to make my weekly visits and help out where possible.
I haven't wrote much lately, as is normal. The piece below was written on the last day of April, dreaming of a better May and still waiting for it.
A Dreamer Has A Nightmare Life
April is leaving in a few hours
I can hear her final tears falling
The sound is calm and soothing
Rain can be an appropriate gift
When goodbyes are being said
There is a poignancy of timing
I will see her after another year
May can hide me in her flowers
A man with childlike aspirations
Needing to be warmed by June
The ignored kid without a nipple
Crying from hunger and neglect
Scrounging weeds for nutrition
Dandelion wine instead of milk
Becoming drunk on old whores
I was never this type of person
There is little anger or jealousy
A loneliness abetted by sadness
Hatred of self is my only crime
The imagination has hundreds
A dreamer has a nightmare life
I see the truth in every mirror
No needles but lots of damage
Skin scars after being wounded
Evidence can never be erased
Fragments of it remain forever
Accepting ugliness is not easy
Especially when it is inside us
A place of remembered good
Where only the bad reappear
I really need this new month
Her flowers and her sunshine
Fragrant smells and moments
The love of nature can return
Because it was once present
The love of self might never
I do not think it is as natural.
30/04/09
I like reading books by local authors and stories wove around places I have been or know of. One of these books is A Good House by Bonnie Burnard, which so far has offered commentary about life in London during the middle 1950's, with references to the University, the Ceeps and other London landmarks. Home is a place that can be written about.
Below is Carry You Home from All The Lost Souls by James Blunt. A song stuck in my head today. Along with the harmonica from On Almost Any Sunday Morning on this early Tuesday evening. Time for tea, cake and more reading.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UB-ymwBUtvs
john edward.

"I am just a dreamer, but you are just a dream, you could have been anyone to me...."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H1JPWESillg
Like a Hurricane by Neil Young (Live 2001)
The weather here at certain times of the year can be very contrasting from one day to another. Yesterday was windy, sunny and warm and today was windy, cloudy and cold. The rain disappeared by early afternoon but it was nothing like yesterday. Secretly though I don't mind the damp and cool weather. I think I would be very much at home in places where it often rains, Dublin and London, England instantly come to mind. Speaking of weather, The Student of Weather by Elizabeth Hay is a good book. And speaking of books, I should be reading the books I got today at the used bookstore. I won't bore you, whoever you are, with my selections. More words, more characters and more stories but most importantly more escape routes.
I really don't have much to write about. But we are Tuesday people.
I don't have Swine Flu, that I know of. Mexico hasn't and will probably never interest me. Like a lot of things. Though a lot of other things interest me, but their moments are fleeting.
Soon Tuesday will be gone. So appropriately.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8sF0bQBOsFM
Tuesday's Gone by Lynyrd Skynyrd
Gone with the wind.
I wrote something the other day, a vague (aren't they all) piece comparing my own invisibility to that of a black hole.
A Black Hole Destination Fascinates Me
I have been defeated many times before
The branded loser in a game of winners
Rejection does not feel unnatural to me
A sight much like the sun, sky or moon
Their varying colours make it interesting
Without changes in seasons and scenery
I would be nothing except black or blue
A silent mute were it not for these words
The hateful daggers or the cupid arrows
Indecisive in my writing like my living
Momentarily passionate or disinterested
There were parts of me to share with you
I broke, wasted, misplaced or used them
No matter what happened they are gone
Leaving me empty like a withered river
The water was pristine before mankind
Our many births, deaths and their thirst
Have made it impossible for true purity
All our angels are just floating feathers
The mystery is in our minds and souls
Whether we believe or are unqualified
I doubt everything but factual science
Spirituality is nice in theory like love
There are those who will call me cold
Acrimonious for those more intelligent
Knowing big words means little though
Apathetic can fit well beside rejection
Perhaps one only comes with the other
Togetherness is not a specialty of mine
I have lived thirty springs feeling alone
There is not a lack of loving around me
A black hole destination fascinates me
Invisibility with a definition like ghosts
Should you believe or are unquantifiable
Our individual value often rises and falls
Depending on other people's assessments
They can paint us as villains or as heroes
A landscape of a lifetime will vary greatly
Good becomes bad and love becomes loss
I know myself and therefore accept myself
The beauty is scarred and is a wound itself
Naturally winning feels better than losing
Expecting defeat makes it more bearable
When you are no longer surprised by life
There are invisible ways to smile through.
26/04/09
Space could be our only escape from this earthly misery.
The sky has cleared enough for the setting sun to be observed or so it seems at quarter after seven. A few Counting Crows clips to end. We are nothing, if not predictable.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=22_S1ZvgkUY
When I Dream of Michelangelo (Live 2007)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nRdDrhToly0
Rain King with Augustana (Live April 27, 2009 Good Morning America)
There is never enough time to observe and listen but some people have more than enough time to talk.
john.

"Better stand tall if you're gonna stand at all, and if you're gonna fall, well you might as well fall....."

I have recently discovered Jackie Greene and like his music. There is a link below to a live version of Uphill Mountain, the audio is amateur but still pretty good.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nqkZH7jivIE
Without music, I'd be lost.
I tried to read East of Eden by John Steinbeck years ago but never got very far into it. I picked it up again last week and I am making some progress. I liked the passage below from it.
"Our species is the only creative species, and it has only one creative instrument, the individual mind and spirit of a man. Nothing was ever created by two men. There are no good collaborations, whether in music, in art, in poetry, in mathematics, in philosophy. Once the miracle of creation has taken place, the group can build and extend it, but the group never invents anything. The preciousness lies in the lonely mind of a man."
In other words without Lennon's ideas there would be no Lennon/McCartney songs and likewise. Everyone focuses on the group result but without its individuals, there would be nothing.
The sun has emerged late this afternoon and it has turned into a relatively nice day. Though it is still April cool but tomorrow is supposed to be in the low 20's and the high 20's for the weekend. I am sure a few more smiles will find their way onto mouths.
I lose interest very quickly these days. I usually look forward to watching the hockey playoffs but this year, I watch a few minutes and then decide to do something else. It isn't because the games aren't exciting because most of them are, it is just that I am not all that interested. Baseball has been a little better but I guess my heart is more in it.
I wrote the following yesterday, a piece from the prespective of an old and not necessarily bitter man, just reflective and honest in his opinions.
You Will Be Beautiful
The spring precipitation will bring summer chrysanthemums
Yellow, white, purple and red but not as exotic as a marigold
There is a garden in my memories where they can still bloom
A passing afternoon of a childhood spent chasing butterflies
Monarchs searching for lilacs or milkweeds and their nectar
I would never catch them and never really wanted to anyway
There are certain creations better left in their natural habitats
You will be beautiful in my book when it is finally completed
A novel character carefully pieced back together by moments
I will get a few of them wrong but my mind is not clearheaded
Confusion is often a result of aging and too much reminiscing
The poetic lyrics remain much more than the songs themselves
All the books we should have shared are piled neatly in a corner
Dust bothers me as it always has and so they will not be moved
I read them years ago during the days of my endless boredoms
Segregating myself from society and those who once knew me
Some of them are dead having finished their lives and now rest
My peace will not come because there was too much left unsaid
Apologies are as common as diseases when you get to be elderly
I am too stubborn like a rock refusing to crumble under a weight
You will be beautiful in June when your childhood dream arrives
With summer flowers arranged and carried by porcelain fingers
Handed to you graciously by innocently wide open brown eyes
The wonderment of happiness is universal on such celebrations
Vows might vary from different scriptures but their sums do not
Everything added up in true love leaves no squabbled left overs
I feed the ducks crumbs from the uneaten crusts of brown bread
They are mildly amused by me until nothing is left to give them
Returning to the water and leaving me to my old man routines
The daily walks when the weather is good enough for fragility
Normally there is a book to read while sitting down on a bench
But this afternoon it is raining and I have not brought it outside
Home and it is random relics of personal taste will have to do
I have been old most of my life and most would agree asocial
There are no familiar faces left here and you will be beautiful
When the light finally fades before my always brooding eyes.
22/04/09
"Light fades, becomes shade, you're holding on but you're slipping away, till I can't feel you anymore..."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ij3eJL3ISA
Love at the End of the World by Sam Roberts Band
For those in Canada with Rogers digital cable, there is a free Sam Roberts Band concert on demand, channel 100 or 300. The concert is about half an hour and features mostly songs from their latest album Love at the End of the World.
And so it goes.
john.

"A baby sleeps in all our bones, so scared to be alone......."

A song walking us through the seasons of nature and the lessons of our losses.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UGPzyGIaw0E
Passing Afternoon by Iron and Wine
I suppose Tuesday's are becoming my blog writing days, or simply just a way to pass some of the afternoon. Yesterday it rained like it is supposed to on Mondays and in April. Today the clouds are prominent but the rain has ceased for the time being. A strong breeze chills despite the sun's efforts to warm. A pair of small birds, I wish I knew the name of, maybe sparrows, are dancing about on a table outside. The music of their soul, I can't hear but the music of their voice momentarily distracts me. But now they have flown off and I am left to my thoughts, as I usually am.
We make decisions as adults, unimaginable to those we would have made as children. For as children there seemed to be reasons, big or small, for each decision. Not playing with certain other children usually occurred because they were mean, older or younger. We had our group of friends and disagreements were common but hardly complex. But as we grow up and create our complexities, relationships become hard to sustain. There are endless number of people who have not spoken to family members, friends and former lovers for years. The reasons in the end are not as complex as they seem in the present but in the present they are reasons enough. So we drift, fade and disappear appropriately. This is human nature for some of us, and for others it is foreign and inhuman. Finding fault for anything is also human nature but maybe fault is not always needed. One person might expect and want things to remain the same, whereas the other person does not feel the same. Personally I am more than a little lost lately but it has mostly been this way for a long time. There are times when I can feel everything and there are times when I feel nothing. I used to use the kindness inside of me and now I do not want to. I am an entirely selfish person but I do so only for the protection of myself. I fear, expect and I am paranoid of a personal destruction. This does not make me any less selfish but I do not use my selfishness to manipulate others for personal gain, like some people do. The people who when you do offer your kindness, fail to return it when they could have very easily the next day. Instead money is exchanged out of friendship and time passes, many endless numbered days and the matter lingers but is not resolved. There are countless examples of people who have been used and we all use each other in some form. I am far from morally good but refuse to form personal connections anymore. This also might seem inhuman and unusual but might not really be either of them. I fail at friendships and maintaining them, becoming a terrible gardener is not hard because neglect is easily done. I am sure if I should grow old, I will regret but I already regret more than I could have possibly imagined as a child. People will leave you alone, if you give them enough reasons and being alone is what I know best. The only person you have to lie to is yourself, and doing so becomes so easy, it is like there is only truth. There might be uneven blame to spread but before any of us begin we have already lost.
The other day I watched the movie Snow Angels with its emotionally troubled characters and dysfunctional situations. I thought it was a good enough movie to watch and there is information about it below. I often come to movies randomly because they appear and linger on demand, and finally out of boredom I watch them. There is a perfect example in this movie of a man who's life has spiralled completely out of control and aided by alcohol he is unable to deal with his losses and rejections.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0453548/
As I often do, I search Youtube for the latest Counting Crows videos. Today I came across a pair of vintage concert clips from 1994, Perfect Blue Buildings and Round Here, it is hard to believe those songs have been with me for 15 years now and will remain should I grow old. They are below along with some other selections.
Perfect Blue Buildings (15/04/1994 Germany)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hdd_jaGm6_c
Round Here (15/04/1994 Germany)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zcs9l1dGMJ0
St. Robinson in his Cadillac Dream (2007)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vHZ9CecKY_o
Have You Seen Me Lately? (Woodstock 1999)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bv3Bdh9jNRk
Washington Square (27/03/2009 Australia)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_8GSHg_aybk
Miami (Telluride Festival 2007)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xqnSsxq-KP8
Today I finished reading The In-Between World of Vikram Lall by M.G. Vassanji, which I enjoyed and have returned to East of Eden by Steinbeck. I think I need to read more of the classic books.
It seems I only write a couple of pieces a week now and the last two since my last blog are below.
I don't have much of an explanation as to what they are about, I don't put much care into their crafting and often get bored in the middle of them. I am sure the results prove this.
A Cardboard Novelty Cheque
The Wednesday afternoon has clouded over
Spring birds accompany the Decemberists
I have placed the Flying Troutman's down
A feeling inside of me remains unexplained
There are never enough answers left for me
Each question leads to another and another
I spend too much time walking in triangles
This is a tad easier than spinning in circles
Everything is relative in a life of confusion
Similar shapes, sizes, colours and textures
Appear everywhere in nature and society
Distinguishing them has become difficult
I do not observe what used to be simple
Complicating anything with insecurities
A man paranoid of being seen as a failure
Self disappointment hurls itself in mirrors
The reflection is one of infinite gloominess
Late November and early December days
I am void like a cardboard novelty cheque
One written as a joke and out of kindness
There are not enough zero's to desire me
Beauty is only a memory of women gone
Unique bodies unwrapped from clothes
Minds drunk on pleasure and anticipation
A climax spilling across limbs and sheets
Exhausted bodies needing breezes of air
I would like a window to see the world
Nothing of Hollywood but real images
Those which seem very foreign to me
Nairobi, Moab and the Salinas Valley
Places of my books and distractions
I am forever trying to remain present.
15/04/09
The Scary Paranoia
A probable picture of emptiness
I silently stare out the windows
April rain has fallen all day long
The way it always does in spring
Necessary nourishment for growth
I ponder my own maturing process
The transformation from boy to man
A methodical move out of happiness
Withdrawing behind closed curtains
Limited by introspective revelations
I should have learned to free myself
Instead a deep trap is barricading me
The scary paranoia of living or dying
Factually being alive means nothing
When you are not participating in life
I have been going through the motions
Most of my time spent as a grown up
Feeling everything and nothing at all
Absorbing people or absconding them
Every love has become mute or distant
Imagining beauty is no longer possible
I lack words to describe faces or eyes
They are full of hope so foreign to me
Cape Town on the tip of the Atlantic
A wavy blueness before Africa's red
April rain is still falling and feeding
I remain absolutely silent like always
There has to be a way to understand
What really scares me about myself
Potential being reached and exceeded
Or a destructive desire for self failure.
20/04/09
Well enough time has passed and enough words have been written. The evening is approaching and the rain is supposed to follow. Much like eyes across the page of a novel.
john.

"I got some things I can't tell anyone, got some things I just can't say, they're the kind of things no one knows about..."

The return of my ramblings come with a good live version of Speedway by Counting Crows. You can check it out below.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWuC2m3OlA8
I think we are all thinking about getting out and I know we all have things we can't tell anyone.
April has arrived since my last blog entry and with it came the very welcoming start of the baseball season. The game, its history and its statistics will always hold a place in my heart. A place slightly deeper than my country's national game and its own history. Though there is sadness starting this season with the deaths of a young rookie, a forgotten colourful character and the old voice of a team. The journey from 1-162 in baseball is never easy like the journey from 1-100 in life. Only baseball fades before winter and many of us struggle into our winter.
I find a lot of comfort from nature but have failed to properly appreciate it so far this spring. There seems to be something missing, not outside, but inside of me. The loss of spirit or the breaking of soul. Should such things become lost or broken. I suppose I should make more of an effort but right now my heart is not in it very much. I hope to find a smile by May.
I have been listening to a lot of Teddy Thompson lately, he is a British folk and country musician and producer. I love his country like voice and for some reason it reminds me of the great Roy Orbison. His father Richard Thompson was listed in the top 20 all-time guitarists by Rolling Stone and his mother was one top British folk artists of the 1970's. Below are links to some of Teddy's songs along with a Counting Crows cover of Meet on the Ledge by his father's band Fairpoint Convention recorded live with Dutch group Blof.
Meet on the Ledge (Counting Crows and Blof)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWuC2m3OlA8
Change of heart (Teddy Thompson on Letterman)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CLMDIOUlB1E
In My Arms (acoustic)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gzb77AALN08
We Can Work It Out (Beatles cover with Martha Wainwright)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hCnvWHZd4Ro
I haven't done much "poetic" writing lately either. Below are the last two pieces I have written.
No Similarity
I am a damaged person
Parts of me need repair
They have been stressed
With too many thoughts
Burdened by life and love
The self-hatred and hurt
Have scarred too deeply
I am lacking something
While missing everything
Spring brings its newness
All my laughter is ancient
Colour faded like a picture
The one of a boy smiling
Looking off at the horizon
Seeing a kite flying above
Green and red on blue sky
I will forget this child soon
There will be no similarity
When he looks back at me
On a cold November night
Most likely a rainy Tuesday
For adults need their misery
Mine is a strange adaptation
Taken without a prescription
Nature could cure my soul
Love would nurture my heart
Words should smooth my mind
But stubbornly and struggling
I try and disappear like a boy
Who should never see himself
As a frowning man over thirty.
11/04/09
After writing the piece above I came upon this passage in one of the books I am reading. The passage below is from The In-Between World of Vikram Lall by M.G. Vassanji.
"There are wonderful moments sometimes - a splash of colour, the sweet taste of icy kulfi on a Sunday afternoon, the feel of hot steam on the face and arms from a gasping locomotive - that stand out purely in themselves, sparkles of childhood memory scattered loosely in the consciousness. They need not tell a story, yet moments lead from one to another in this tapestry that is one's life; and so we feel bound, unhappy adults, to look past and around those glimmer points in our desperate search for nuance and completeness, for coherence and meaning."
Statistical Anomalies
My spirit feels like it has died
I am in mourning for its return
A friendly and witty disposition
Lacking my current disillusion
Shunning the light for darkness
I have always embraced spring
This year it is receiving nothing
No admiration of April's tulips
The colours spread like a quilt
One knitted loving by old hands
With eyes squinting and crying
Time hardens and softens hearts
Or it softens and hardens hearts
I am not sure about very much
People love despite not trusting
Until love cannot survive alone
There is nothing left to be done
Except returning to our old self
Relearning how happiness works
Finding ways to smile naturally
When all movements seem odd
Living can be a foreign concept
After beating ourselves senseless
With doubts about being worthy
Should anyone stumble upon us
Swimming in the puddles of rain
Formed by April's lasting clouds
Those postponing baseball games
Making weird statistical anomalies
Only a entire season would correct
I used to be a rubber armed pitcher
Always happy playing and laughing
Overly competitive and committed
Now very little holds my attention
A few fleeting minutes of normalcy
Until my doubts return full fledged
Distracting me from accomplishing
Anything out of my potential talents
Failure is disgusting like a raw fish
But in the water it is still beautiful
Success is living through any day
Learning to feel better at the end
When the blinds are pulled closed
Leaving us with our own loneliness
Knowing it does not have to be so
Because it has not always been so.
14/04/09
On the weekend I watched Synecdoche, New York and I thought it was brilliant. The movie is as mentally challenging as Charlie Kaufman's other works Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Adaptation and Being John Malkovich. But I felt this one was superior because of the performance of Philip Seymour Hoffman as a morose theatre director. Kaufman's movie makes us wonder if we are in the present or the past and if we are awake or dreaming. We could be everything at once and we could be everyone at once. Samatha Morton is also very strong in this movie and information about the movie is below.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0383028/
I suppose I should return to a book, a song or a movie. The Flying Troutman's by Miriam Toews is holding my attention the best, so it should get some glances before the Jays game.
More than enough.
john.

"Now, most days, I spend like a child. Who's afraid of ghosts in my mind. I know, there ain't nothing out there, still afraid to turn on the lights.."

Today I got my tickets to see Counting Crows July 9 at Sarnia's Bayfest with opening act The Trews. I didn't get the VIP tickets I wanted and just got licensed general admission tickets. The price for these wasn't bad at all, $27.99 Canadian.
I have been listening to a lot of Amos Lee over the past couple of days. Which might explain the bittersweet lyrics from Arms of a Woman as the blog title. I even made a mixed tape of his songs, how retro.
Below is something I wrote yesterday and still relevant today, I suppose.
It was a pretty nice day today for late March, though the sun has now disappeared and the rain will shortly fall, and the moon will hide. There are certain things I am sure of and more things I am unsure of.
A Vacuum Of Dust
The moon is more lovely than the sun
I can be rejected under its luminosity
Without feeling humiliated by glares
Hour after hour of eyes exploring me
When there is no desire to be noticed
I hanker to exist in a vacuum of dust
Unidentifiable against everything else
Completely irrelevant in a garbage bag
Buried until decomposing is completed
Finally freed from pretending to exist
You are more lovely than I imagined
Considering all the time you putrefy
Trapped inside my mind and heart
I should know you without any light
Similar to the veins crossing my hand
Bringing blood to my feeble existence
A breath inhaled waiting to be exhaled
The goodbye spoken before the hello
Romance is better before it has begun
I should know this by now but do not
Instead words are written and rhymed
Dreams are choreographed and changed
You could understand but probably not
Fickleness comes as a part of loneliness
The pathetic are forced to walk exposed
Under an overbearing sun of narcissism
Weakness comes from ugliness’s womb
I am the sum of everything subtracted
There is nothing good left or so it seems
When the sun shines and the moon hides.
27/03/09
jr.
Arms of a Woman by Amos Lee
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w5hPVqPMywc
(Crows clip(s) of the entry)
"I sold my piano, it couldn't come with me..."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_8GSHg_aybk
Washington Square (Last night Melbourne, Australia)
"I wanna sink slowly without getting wet........"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9kSQTTD48A0
Time and Time Again (Last night Melbourne, Australia)

"Oh you delicate heart, sometimes it feels hard to live, the rain keeps on falling so hard, I forgot that I had some to give...."

It has been raining all day here in the forest city. I suppose it is a preview of the coming April showers and the corresponding May flowers.
My grandfather is recovering good from his throat cancer surgery. He is up and walking around without most of the tubes. I went up to see him Monday and Tuesday afternoon, and will again Thursday. It is tough to see his neck all stitched up and realizing he will never be able to talk the same again. We are working on the communicating part with a white board and hand signals, though I am not good at any of this. The first day I thought he was going on and on about the flowers at the front of the hospital but he was actually referring to his garden. He actually seems obsessed with the maintenance and preparation of his flowers. I am sure everyone in the family will pitch in and make the garden as close to its previous years brilliance. My grandma gets annoyed with him for going on and on about his garden but the fact that he is thinking about the future is a good thing. Though his recovering is a long way off. He has to learn to breath through the whole in his neck and when they clean the area out with suction, I have to look away. Overall my visits to the hospital haven't been as depressing as I thought they would be, but obviously I see a lot that is tough to look at. Helpless, is the word that comes to mind.
Today it was announced that Counting Crows would be playing Sarnia Bayfest, Sarnia is about an hour from me and I will definitely be going. They are playing Thursday July 9 and the opening act is the very good Canadian band the Trews. I have seen the Trews here in London at Cowboy's and thought they were good live. So this should be a fun and drink filled night.
My Proline luck got a little better on Sunday, I won $110 but last night it was back to losing in the shootout. It was only a $2 bet to win $39.70, but once again Nashville failed me in the shootout. Perhaps I shouldn't pick them. That might make sense.
I wrote the following this afternoon. After I wrote it I came across this in Humboldt's Gift by Saul Bellow, one of the books I am reading.
"But certain bits were missing from her mind. The needle went up and down, there was thread on the bobbin, but the stitching failed to occur."
Perhaps I should meet her.
Solitary Thoughts Do Need Company
The clouds above Victoria Hospital
Swirled like vanilla ice cream cones
Cancer survivors, patients and kin
Lingered inside and outside doors
Their voices whispered diagnoses
Muffled hope about long recoveries
The patriarch is different but alive
I might not show evidence of life
There are elements of me missing
Physical signs are not as revealing
Scars, redness and nervous tics
Mental signs are easily mistreated
Isolation, introversion and silence
I might be a walking case report
For some famous novel physiatrist
One of Humboldt’s many quacks
From the mind of Bellow’s fiction
Books accompany me around daily
Though their pages can turn slowly
I get so distracted with peculiarities
Barely making it through afternoons
Without returning to some conflict
Where the solution is uncontrollable
Being born accordingly and living so
Such is my life in a small nut shell
Romance has become nonexistent
Sex comes now and then but leaves
Before the daylight becomes intense
I like being alone but not loneliness
There is a difference between them
Solitary thoughts do need company
Their meanings can be accompanied
By the thoughts of another person
Similarly weird or familiarly normal
Certain people can bring us to life
There is no need for a hospital stay
All they offer us is in their character
The absolute likelihood of happiness
Never as we see it in our fickle mind
But as they see it in their picky heart
Being chosen makes us able to choose
What we are ready to accept or cannot.
25/03/09
I thought the Hawsley Workman song below was appropriate for today's blog entry and I am pretty sure I have used it in the past. I am too lazy to check, or just don't care, after all it's my blog and if you are reading hopefully you will understand.
:)
john edward
Oh You Delicate Heart by Hawksley Workman
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ByL2UByb1a8
(Crows clip of the entry)
"When everyone loves you, you can never be lonely......."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EC6kUlJu9Qk
Mr. Jones (live 9/5/08 Texas)