It has been raining all day here in the forest city. I suppose it is a preview of the coming April showers and the corresponding May flowers.
My grandfather is recovering good from his throat cancer surgery. He is up and walking around without most of the tubes. I went up to see him Monday and Tuesday afternoon, and will again Thursday. It is tough to see his neck all stitched up and realizing he will never be able to talk the same again. We are working on the communicating part with a white board and hand signals, though I am not good at any of this. The first day I thought he was going on and on about the flowers at the front of the hospital but he was actually referring to his garden. He actually seems obsessed with the maintenance and preparation of his flowers. I am sure everyone in the family will pitch in and make the garden as close to its previous years brilliance. My grandma gets annoyed with him for going on and on about his garden but the fact that he is thinking about the future is a good thing. Though his recovering is a long way off. He has to learn to breath through the whole in his neck and when they clean the area out with suction, I have to look away. Overall my visits to the hospital haven't been as depressing as I thought they would be, but obviously I see a lot that is tough to look at. Helpless, is the word that comes to mind.
Today it was announced that Counting Crows would be playing Sarnia Bayfest, Sarnia is about an hour from me and I will definitely be going. They are playing Thursday July 9 and the opening act is the very good Canadian band the Trews. I have seen the Trews here in London at Cowboy's and thought they were good live. So this should be a fun and drink filled night.
My Proline luck got a little better on Sunday, I won $110 but last night it was back to losing in the shootout. It was only a $2 bet to win $39.70, but once again Nashville failed me in the shootout. Perhaps I shouldn't pick them. That might make sense.
I wrote the following this afternoon. After I wrote it I came across this in Humboldt's Gift by Saul Bellow, one of the books I am reading.
"But certain bits were missing from her mind. The needle went up and down, there was thread on the bobbin, but the stitching failed to occur."
Perhaps I should meet her.
Solitary Thoughts Do Need Company
The clouds above Victoria Hospital
Swirled like vanilla ice cream cones
Cancer survivors, patients and kin
Lingered inside and outside doors
Their voices whispered diagnoses
Muffled hope about long recoveries
The patriarch is different but alive
I might not show evidence of life
There are elements of me missing
Physical signs are not as revealing
Scars, redness and nervous tics
Mental signs are easily mistreated
Isolation, introversion and silence
I might be a walking case report
For some famous novel physiatrist
One of Humboldt’s many quacks
From the mind of Bellow’s fiction
Books accompany me around daily
Though their pages can turn slowly
I get so distracted with peculiarities
Barely making it through afternoons
Without returning to some conflict
Where the solution is uncontrollable
Being born accordingly and living so
Such is my life in a small nut shell
Romance has become nonexistent
Sex comes now and then but leaves
Before the daylight becomes intense
I like being alone but not loneliness
There is a difference between them
Solitary thoughts do need company
Their meanings can be accompanied
By the thoughts of another person
Similarly weird or familiarly normal
Certain people can bring us to life
There is no need for a hospital stay
All they offer us is in their character
The absolute likelihood of happiness
Never as we see it in our fickle mind
But as they see it in their picky heart
Being chosen makes us able to choose
What we are ready to accept or cannot.
25/03/09
I thought the Hawsley Workman song below was appropriate for today's blog entry and I am pretty sure I have used it in the past. I am too lazy to check, or just don't care, after all it's my blog and if you are reading hopefully you will understand.
:)
john edward
Oh You Delicate Heart by Hawksley Workman
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ByL2UByb1a8
(Crows clip of the entry)
"When everyone loves you, you can never be lonely......."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EC6kUlJu9Qk
Mr. Jones (live 9/5/08 Texas)
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