"If you can't see or hear or touch a man, it's best to let him go...."
A quote from East of Eden by John Steinbeck to start today's blog entry.
The obligatory Counting Crows clips, some good new ones this time around.
Angels of the Silences (May 4, 2009 Rotterdam, Netherlands)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H0_c8Z8wmLw
Holiday in Spain (May 4, 2009 Rotterdam, Netherlands)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RY1LVMycsIE
Anna Begins (May 4, 2009 Rotterdam, Netherlands)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lc9BM8UW75A
Up All Night (May 4, 2009 Rotterdam, Netherlands)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a58ZPeavYik
On Almost Any Sunday Morning (May 4, 2009 Rotterdam, Netherlands)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIpycMxic08
Mr. Jones (Summer 2007, somewhere out in America)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VejZWxIzGWw
The strength of people can be amazing. In the middle of March my grandfather had a total laryngectomy to remove a large cancerous tumour. The surgery was successful and he is currently going through radiation and chemo treatments. But the surgery has left him unable to speak, and the swelling has affected his hearing. He also has trouble seeing and has lost a lot of weight. But despite all of this, there he was on Saturday walking me through what he wanted done to his gardens. I am getting good at reading lips and he had his clipboard, so it wasn't too difficult. Though I am not a good gardener and he was very willing to show me what he wanted done. Quickly grabbing a shovel, a rake or hoe to show me how it should be done. Of course I was worried he was doing too much and my grandmother had her appropriate head shaking at his stubbornness. I think the hardest part of his recovery will be adjusting to not being as physically active as he was before. Even in his middle 80's, he was very active doing his gardens and yard work. Some of this he will have to reluctantly let other people do, others like me who do not exactly have green thumbs. The progress of his recovery is very inspirational, it does me very good to make my weekly visits and help out where possible.
I haven't wrote much lately, as is normal. The piece below was written on the last day of April, dreaming of a better May and still waiting for it.
A Dreamer Has A Nightmare Life
April is leaving in a few hours
I can hear her final tears falling
The sound is calm and soothing
Rain can be an appropriate gift
When goodbyes are being said
There is a poignancy of timing
I will see her after another year
May can hide me in her flowers
A man with childlike aspirations
Needing to be warmed by June
The ignored kid without a nipple
Crying from hunger and neglect
Scrounging weeds for nutrition
Dandelion wine instead of milk
Becoming drunk on old whores
I was never this type of person
There is little anger or jealousy
A loneliness abetted by sadness
Hatred of self is my only crime
The imagination has hundreds
A dreamer has a nightmare life
I see the truth in every mirror
No needles but lots of damage
Skin scars after being wounded
Evidence can never be erased
Fragments of it remain forever
Accepting ugliness is not easy
Especially when it is inside us
A place of remembered good
Where only the bad reappear
I really need this new month
Her flowers and her sunshine
Fragrant smells and moments
The love of nature can return
Because it was once present
The love of self might never
I do not think it is as natural.
30/04/09
I like reading books by local authors and stories wove around places I have been or know of. One of these books is A Good House by Bonnie Burnard, which so far has offered commentary about life in London during the middle 1950's, with references to the University, the Ceeps and other London landmarks. Home is a place that can be written about.
Below is Carry You Home from All The Lost Souls by James Blunt. A song stuck in my head today. Along with the harmonica from On Almost Any Sunday Morning on this early Tuesday evening. Time for tea, cake and more reading.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UB-ymwBUtvs
john edward.
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