Welcome to my new blog Dust On Pearls. The title of the blog is borrowed from part of the lyrics to Le Ballet D'or by Counting Crows.
"We've wasted time running scared, now Autumn's fire is ashes on the breeze and it spins away like dust on pearls."
http://youtube.com/watch?v=PD67NjyoXMk
I decided to delete my old blog and start over new. There was really no reason other than it felt right. Sometimes that is enough. Sometimes that isn't enough. A certain feeling appears and might quickly disappear or it might linger and annoy. In this feeling are other feelings along the same line. I also deactivated my Facebook account. I thought I would enjoy it and I did for a while. Lately I just got to the point where it was boring. You add "friends" but mostly they are acquaintances or people from the past, who you lost connection with for reasons. So during a month, out of all your "friends", you might spend time with 10% of them and maybe communicate with another 10% of them. What the hell is the point of having the other 80%, you don't talk to them, they don't talk to you. Everyone just lingers and appears with their various status updates. Names from the past with no connection to the present and most likely the future. This is not to insult anyone, it is just the truth. I will miss being able to write sarcastic ramblings on Maria's wall or playing Scrabble, but it takes days to finish a game and thus boring. Most of the guys I hang out with are in my baseball pool or I see them on weekends. There are a few other things I will miss like Kara's occasional emails, Sarah Maria's mutual love for Counting Crows and her wall posts. But we found each other at annabegins.com's poetry forum and I can always find her poetry there whenever she posts it. As for my attempts at poetry, it has been 10 days and I don't miss it. My heart hasn't been in it for a long time and inventing emotions to feel is no longer possible. This blog will be enough writing for me. When I bought this laptop about a year ago, I left a lot of poems on my old hard drive. Since my sister is taking that soon, I will have to get them off of there. So I suppose I could end up putting them here from time to time. There are things you are supposed to hang on to and there are things you are supposed to let go off. Knowing what belongs in which category is never easy but you have to trust those lingering feelings and your heart. I will spend time with the friends I want to spend time with, the same friends I have been spending time with for a lot of years now. You don't have to be on Facebook to have "friends" or to be "friends" with someone, in fact it makes it easier not to be friends. There is no need to inquire about their lives because on the surface everything is there to be seen but in reality there is really nothing there but dust on pearls.
As Jeff and I were sitting on his parent's porch last night, two old friends conversing and laughing while a warm spring day became a cool spring night, I thought about a line from a book I am reading. "Because of too much Book, you no longer know how to laugh." The line is from a brilliant book called Half Of A Yellow Sun by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. I couldn't agree more, the more you learn about or the more you read about this world's ugliness, the more guarded you are and it becomes harder to laugh.
"Makes you laugh a little slower and makes you talk a little lower..."
http://youtube.com/watch?v=IZJiqiV-gWo
You have to remember to laugh and listen to chirping cardinals between the comfortable silence of old friends, while a blue sky becomes pink, purple, orange and then black.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=NTM2Zkjk4dg
john.
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