"For the love you bring won't mean a thing, unless you sing, sing, sing, sing......."

So I actually wrote something new yesterday. The piece is about what happens when I first meet a woman I am attracted to and my need to tell them all my perceived and actual flaws. Woman don't want to know about a man's flaws until they have figured them out for themselves. This is assuming they are mildly attracted to or interested in you. The reason they don't want to know about a man's flaws is because most men lie about them and especially when initially meeting a woman. So if you are like me, overly honest and open, they are either repelled or believe you are lying. The fact that a guy might be honest in a setting like a bar is very hard to believe for some women. Some of them are used to being told anything to help make them interested in a guy. Most guys don't say I'm fucked up and have no idea what I want, so I am most likely not going to call you and avoid you after tonight. Not because I have anything better, or because I wanted to use you, or because I am an asshole (though I might be) but because I am utterly confused and afraid of making a mistake when it comes to getting involved with you. Personally I have no problem fucking up my own life but avoid long term relationships because I don't want to be responsible for fucking up someone else's life. Because I most likely will, until I know what I need. The piece is called Being Too Honest and Candid.
Being Too Honest and Candid
I am not desirable enough
For a woman to pursue me
Being too insular and aloof
When initial opinions are formed
Plagued by social ineptness
Being too honest and candid
When first words are spoken
I cannot hide my inner flaws
They describe and paint me
Not always in flattering ways
Using strange words and dark colours
Normalcy is not my forte
I tend to notice oddities and ironies
Believing in my observation abilities
Truth falling like rain to strangers
Women who are used to lies
Anything to undress their clothes
After enough liquor has been spilt
I am no different under certain circumstances
Except there are no lies or deceits
An aura of romance follows me
Truly believing in fate or destiny
Ready to become faithful and cheerful
When all women need is to forget
How vulnerable they were to a “nice guy”
Who is probably no different than the last
I am too ready to be loved
For a woman to really love me
There has to be something wrong
I have spent too much time alone
Indulging and experimenting
With thoughts and words
Filling up notebooks of poetry
Confusing and quitting people
Selfishly avoiding confrontations
Unwilling to comprehend consequences
Choosing myself over anyone
Who could make me feel
After all this would mean letting go
No longer being able to dream of hurt.
04/24/08
"When everything's over and everything's clear, when everyone's older and no one is here, I try to remember a girl on a wire, tumbling and diving above Stephen's Green like a kite on the air, come back to me..."
http://youtube.com/watch?v=_HfF-CFCq7Q
I suppose being honest and candid isn't a bad thing, it just leaves you very vulnerable to strangers. This is easy for me because I surround myself with my friends and don't stray too far from them. I am usually doing stuff with the same few people or I am doing stuff by myself, usually the latter. I would imagine being known would make this harder and I found this article in Men's Health written by Adam Duritz, lead singer of Counting Crows, to be very honest and candid.
http://www.menshealth.com/cda/article.do?site=MensHealth&channel=health&category=other.diseases.ailments&conitem=b67ac7fb82e59110VgnVCM20000012281eac____
"I can't avoid the lightning, I can't stand myself, I'm being held up by invisible men...."
http://youtube.com/watch?v=8vIHsKKv_CI
I think Robert Frost might be my favourite poet because he often wrote about nature and his surroundings. This one is called Spring Pools.
These pools that, though in forests, still reflect
The total sky almost without defect,
And like the flowers beside them, chill and shiver,
Will like the flowers beside them soon be gone,
And yet not out by any brook or river,
But up by roots to bring dark foliage on.
The trees that have it in their pent-up buds
To darken nature and be summer woods---
Let them think twice before they use their powers
To blot out and drink up and sweep away
These flowery waters and these watery flowers
From snow that melted only yesterday.
"Every day I wake up and it's Sunday, whatever's in my head won't go away, the radio is playing all the usual, what's a Wonderwall anyway?....."
http://youtube.com/watch?v=UeCcuH-EsuM
http://youtube.com/watch?v=Hh7pUR5vGQU
It might not always feel like a Sunday to me but whatever is in my head won't go away and I can't help the guys in Travis, I don't know what a Wonderwall is either. Other than a very good song by Oasis. I wonder if it was a slam against Oasis or the song, or simply that the radio played the song too much instead of songs by Travis. I don't know enough about the band but really like their music.
"You know what always amazed me?" she would ask Olanna, as if she had not told her only a day previously. "That civilized white folk wore nice dresses and hats and gathered to watch a white man hang a black man from a tree." From Half Of A Yellow Sun by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie.
"I think love comes first and then the reasons follow. When I am with him, I feel that I don't need anything else." Also from Half Of A Yellow Sun.
"We all live under the same sky, we all will live, we all will die, there is no wrong, there is no right, the circle only has one side...."
http://youtube.com/watch?v=vkVRfJU9lHo
The second round of the playoffs began last night with Detroit beating Colorado 4-3 and Montreal beating Philadelphia 4-3 in overtime. Neither game was great, from a pure hockey perspective but they were both enjoyable to watch. Detroit exploding on Colorado after they scored first, they chased Jose Theodore from the net and "apparently" he had the flu and didn't return to the bench. Colorado dominated the third period but couldn't break through Chris Osgood to tie the game, I thought Theodore would outplay Osgood, I was wrong on the first night. In Montreal the Flyers jumped out to a 2-0 after the first period, Montreal scored twice in the second, the Flyers scored early in the third and Alex Kovalev scored with less than a minute left to tie the game. It was Kovalev's second goal of the night and a great shot to the top corner. Then after a big save by Price early in overtime, Kostopolous scored down the ice to give Montreal the win. The goal took 48 seconds and I was hoping for a long overtime with Montreal winning but I suppose I can't have everything, the long overtimes are so fun though, hope we get one this year. At least this time the Montreal fans didn't riot outside after the game and spoil a good win. After all it is only a few DUMB fans anyway who would destroy their city as a way of showing their happiness.
The Raptors also won last night and now trail the Magic 2-1 in their first round NBA playoff series. It was nice to see a sold out ACC supporting Toronto and it made a huge difference. I think they will tie the series in game 4 and will then have to win 2 of 3 including a game in Orlando, not the best case scenario but better than what I thought after falling behind 2-0 to start the series.
The Jays got swept by the Rays last night. What a joke the team is. Gibbons and Riccardi have to go. I will try not to rant too much about my displeasure towards this collection of underachievers and overrated baseball players. At least Rolen is back tonight but for how long might be a good question. It even annoys me, that I care so much about the team.
"Well I stand at the crossroads of highroads and lowroads, and I got a feeling it's right...."
http://youtube.com/watch?v=CxJhtu5EUJ0
Today's words are pedantic; very concerned with minute details or formalisms, esp. in teaching. Volubility; characterized by a ready and continuous flow of words; fluent; glib; talkative: a voluble spokesman for the cause. Gossamer; a fine, filmy cobweb seen on grass or bushes or floating in the air in calm weather, esp. in autumn.
The weather is overcast right now, 18 and today's high is supposed to be 22 with more rain. But the Weather Network woman can't be blamed for the rain she is too gorgeous.
I need to get my haircut and shave my growing playoff beard, way too itchy.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=G1f2M5G9KG8
John.