I had a lot of fun last night but naturally I am paying for it today. Our friend Tyson had a house party for his birthday and for another friend of our James. I am curious if there was any alcohol left this morning because if there isn't, then we drank a hell of a lot. Which isn't unusual, if you know any of us. By my count there was at least 20 people that stopped by and had a beverage or two. The weather even turned out good for the backyard fire and barbecue. The chicken was really good and the girls made very good mashed potatoes, I did a good job of supervising and suggesting. The salad with mandarin oranges was also very good. Sometimes I get lost in my own head too much and forget to have fun, but it was easy last night to have fun, very laid back atmosphere. It has been so long since I have sat by a fire and let my feet get warmed by its presence. The only thing that sucked was that the Canadiens lost and the Jays lost but I barely noticed. I have never seen someone have as much fun reading a Far Side comic book as Jeff did last night, I suppose being already funny to read that being drunk makes Far Side hilarious. They were using other books to feed the fire, my literature self was cringing as the fire was crackling, hopefully they weren't good books. Even the moon seemed to be having a good time last night, it was very bright for only being half full and illuminated many smiles.
"I belong in the service of the Queen, I belong anywhere but in between, she's been crying and I've been thinking......."
http://youtube.com/watch?v=RS2uzpXs_NA
The above version of Rain King is too good not to post. It is an acoustic performance at a Dashboard Confessional concert where Adam Duritz of Counting Crows joined them and the guys from Augustana. What impresses me about this performance is that it could seem like something that was rehearsed many times but I am not sure if they even did. If they didn't, it doesn't really show. By the screams of the girls in the front row, this would have been a good show to be at because they were really into it. Rain King is so good, electric or unplugged. I guess like any good song it remains a good song, no matter how it is interpreted.
So I got to bed around 5 and was up at 9. My sister, her husband and the 3 kids were visiting. Not exactly the best thing for a hangover but Rebekah and Amalea are so cute it makes up for it. Though it took a few aspirin to get mobile. I feel pretty good now, just a little absent minded. I started writing this around noon and then decided it was too nice of a day to sit inside, so I went out and read in the sun for a while. Today is probably the last nice day for a few, if the weather forcasters are right. I couldn't let the sun slide by without saying goodbye. My fascination with music makes it necessary for me to think of songs whenever I am around someone with songs named after them. Well not necessary after them but there is a song that shares their name. So since there was 2 Amy's at the house party last night and a Susanna, I think it is necessary to provide links to songs that share their name. So below is Amy by Ryan Adams and Oh, Susanna by Matthew Sabatella and The Rambling String Band.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=cOuMkrL0qUY
http://youtube.com/watch?v=O8yrBeigJwU
"So tonight lets be as bold as we want to and drink, drink till we fall down the steps...."
http://youtube.com/watch?v=jS4UaWh0FOI
"Olanna reached out often to squeeze her arm. The rawness of Edna's grief made her helpless, brought the urge to stretch her hand into the past and reverse history. Finally, Edna fell asleep. Olanna gently placed a pillow beneath her head and sat thinking about how a single act could reverberate over time and space and leave stains that could never be washed off. She thought about how ephemeral life was, about not choosing misery. She would move back to Odenigbo's house." From Half Of A Yellow Sun by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie.
For someone like me not choosing misery isn't easy, I would be kidding myself if I thought it was but it is possible. If not everyday but most days.
I wrote the poem below in September of 2004, 2 days after my nephew was born. His birth and the memory of 9/11 are contrasted and how despite all that death 3 years prior there is still the hope of new life. Even if I am never sure if I would want to bring a child into this world, there are people like my sister who have and as Noah grows older it is my obligation to be a part of that life, no matter what I think of life and of mine itself.
Full Of Hope
Memories fall like buildings today
The past is a castle of crumbling walls
There is a change in the air
Autumn leaves colour and a rollercoaster spins
The day is opening her eyes
I wonder what she will see in me
My head is full of despairing thoughts
Around the corner there are forgotten friends
Left in the absenteeism that is my mind
Saturday nights fog into Sunday mornings
There is a new born I have yet to see
In his eyes I wonder what he will see in mine
I rarely sleep long or well
The moon casts its shadows through my blinds
Tossing and turning in knitted covers
Lying in my own misery
Dying in my own sanctuary
I used to believe in silly love songs
When they played on the radio
Now I need some purpose to believe
All the Gods have failed us
Their religion spawned out of hatred
Everything comes from the devil
Angel wings tarred across the oil fields
The spray of a new sun kisses the land
I can not feel the warmth
There is a chill in my bones
A closet of skeletons wait behind every door
Is this a place for a baby to walk?
I walk to the window
Open to the view falling like memories
Tears form and drop silently
In between I think about jumping
Take it all with me to the other side
Then there are those eyes again
New and full of hope
The way we should all be.
09/12/04
Edited
04/27/08
"Now, I'm having trouble differentiating between what I want and what I need to make me happy....."
http://youtube.com/watch?v=b0lJ_wcAzwo
The problem is that what you want doesn't always make you happy and neither does what you need but in time what you need should make you happy. Even if you are like me and have a flawed design.
This blog entry has taken all afternoon to finish. I am really slow today and easily distracted. I guess brain cells do matter.
Everybody wants something and I don't know what I need. It is 15 right now and the sun has disappeared behind what are surely going to be rain clouds.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=0nb8Fo1LcDY
John.
No comments:
Post a Comment