http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWKlOOhG2sA
Daylight Fading by Counting Crows
The weather today was about as pleasurable as it gets here in late November. The sky was scattered with white clouds, not the usual depressing grey clouds associated with November's leaving, in between them a summer blueness and not the usual depressing blueness associated with December's arriving. The wind was still chilly, the air was still crisp and the ground still icy. Despite all of this, the sun made various appearances throughout the day, filtering its not so familiar way down upon a Saturday in late November. The temperature was even above freezing, a good day for tea and books.
I will never boast of much in this life but quietness quite possibly I could. I came across this poem written in 1925 by Jorge Luis Borges in the front of The Inheritance of Loss by Kiran Desai, and I thought it was perfect for me.
Boast of Quietness
Writings of light assault the darkness, more prodigious then meteors.
The tall unknowable city takes over the countryside.
Sure of my life and death, I observe the ambitious and would like to understand them.
Their day is greedy as a lariat in the air.
Their night is a rest from the rage within steel, quick to attack.
They speak of humanity.
My humanity is in feeling we are all voices of the same poverty.
They speak of homeland.
My homeland in the rhythm of a guitar, a few portraits, an old sword, the willow grove's visible prayer as evening falls.
Time is living me.
More silent than my shadow, I pass through the loftily covetous multitude.
They are indispensable, singular, worthy of tomorrow.
My name is someone and anyone.
I walk slowly, like one who comes from so far away he doesn't expect to arrive.
Jorge Luis Borges (1925)
Today I realized a few things, a couple I will share below. Too many people don't respect your personal space out in public, they must naturally assume you want their presence close to you. How wrong they are.
Smoking is the most disgusting habit in the world, everything about it reeks of tastelessness. My father has smoked all my life and I am glad I didn't inherit this habit.
If I were an island, I would be an isolated one. No bigger than 36X36 with a leafy tree in the middle. The island would be perfectly angled for beautiful sunrises and sunsets, I would take pleasure in their colours, knowing there is no one who can spoil them.
I am a very indecisive person when it comes to certain and probably irrelevant things, but very decisive when it comes to more relevant things. It is not the big things in life I struggle with, it is the smaller things, the things I observe and wish I could capture more completely. Choosing books to read and deciding what to eat are given more thought than possible relationships, those I don't have to think about they are easily disregarded. There is no possibility, my mind is stubborn and the timing is never right. Will the timing ever be right, most likely not. Of course I am being a complete hypocrite, saying I am looking for love but knowing right now I could never return the love. I think I want a woman to admit that I am someone who could be loved and for now this would be enough. I am not serious enough or strong enough to follow through on really opening myself up. Here, it is easy, these are words like an almost infinite number of them out in the world. But what do they really mean, I suppose nothing if the writer of them gives them little merit.
Back to my indecisiveness regarding books. I finally finished Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro, a strangely prosed book about a school of clones and their body part donations. The struggle for them knowing what they are and what their life is about. Raising questions about how the artificially created can contain the same internal doubts as those naturally conceived. The following is a passage from near the end of the book. "I keep thinking about this river somewhere, with the water moving really fast. And these two people in the water, trying to hold onto each other, holding on as hard as they can, but in the end it's just too much. The current's too strong. They've got to let go, drift apart. That's how I think it is with us."
The other books I am in the process of reading are The Secret River by Kate Grenville, Suite Francaise by Irene Nemirovsky, Elle by Douglas Glover and The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls. I am further into The Secret River but Elle is really good, I just bought it today and have enjoyed the first 50 pages. I liked the following passage from it. "I know that I shall die upon this alien shore, this coastline of mystery, this place called Canada. I don't want to die. I like fucking and food and reading books and arguing with my tutor and waking up with the sun pouring in the window in the morning." A small thing like fucking threatened by a bigger thing called love. A singular story about certain characters threatened by the largeness of death.
The following clips are from Counting Crows performance at Sound Stage in April of this year.
"I guess I bought a gun because it impresses all the little girls I see and then they all wanna sleep with me..."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fu7WMpQplkY
1492
"Boston gets cold this time of year, seems like each day leaves me numb, I gotta get out of here, go walking in the sun...."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fPliNBkzsS8
Los Angeles
"You can wash your face and hands in the stream of my anger, it's as bright as white paper and as dark as a girl....."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cWEqunWtfyg
Insignificant
"She says she doesn't love me, like, like she's acting but it's as if she isn't talking cause Mr. Lincoln's head is bleeding on the front row while she's speaking..."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vm8arqByspQ
Cowboys
"I loved like a fountain and it left me with nothing, just memories of walking through Washington Square..."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ea6mX7RL4HU
Washington Square
"Wash your eyes clear of anything, make them empty circles, dress yourself in black or gray...."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZPr2hhhQHQ8
On Almost Any Sunday Morning
"I see God upon the ceiling I see angels overhead and he seems so close as he reaches out his hand but we are never quite as close as we are led to understand...."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lyw0ikr50RE
When I Dream Of Michelangelo
"I watched all of the same parades as they passed on the days that you wish you'd stayed.."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZFPMKQBFhM
You Can't Count On Me
"We've wasted time running scared now autumn's fire is ashes on the breeze and it spins away like dust on pearls as winter comes to usher in the evening..." (How absolutely true)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kBEUNayD-GU
Le Ballet D'Or
"A picture of Amsterdam, bare trees under glass framed in the grey and white afternoon light of a winter long past..."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OZ5WAyLhc5M
On A Tuesday In Amsterdam Long Ago
"If you wait for what's coming and you listen to her lies, then she'll say the things you need to hear and the only one who'll disappear is you..."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3g5iuHFW7c
Come Around
The measure of any artist should be how passionate and emotional they are about their art. Adam Duritz's passion for his music is amazing, whether you are a fan or not and accompanied by his band they can tear you apart raw for the better of your soul. On A Tuesday In Amsterdam is proof enough.
I suppose I should ramble about other things. The terror attacks in India were dramatic and compelling news coverage. The world is not a safe place and on any given day, we could all be put in the wrong place at the wrong time, simply because of where we were born. The world though has always been this way, the English, the Spanish, the French and the Romans, haven't they all been killed because of where they came from, not to forget the Africans.
Here in Canada we have once again been thrown into political uncertainty because of Stephen Harper's arrogance and failure to admit there are economic problems in Canada. I hope the talks of the opposition parties forming a coalition to defeat the government and become the government turn into reality. Stephane Dion might become Prime Minister under this Liberal and NDP union but they need the support of the Bloc. I find this all very intriguing, with old cronies like Chretien and Broadbent brokering the deal. We don't need another election, because it costs too much and will produce much the same result as October's. What we need is a working government without Harper's King of the World mentality, he is but a man in a democracy. A democracy which could find itself flipped on its head with an unprecedented coalition government not directly elected by the people. Though anything but Conservative is fine by me. Of course Harper will cry foul and undemocratic, but it is within the rules of our democracy, as I hope the Governor General gets the chance to tell the people of Canada.
My laptop is not working, it is so annoying. I hate using this PC because it is slow and sucks. Everything here seems trivial and a waste of time. Okay, it isn't that slow, but it isn't my laptop. My personal go anywhere tool of communication with the world, what communication I chose to keep. Anyway, until it is fixed, writing is out of the question, this blog will be limited as it seems to be already and even email writing and answering are cumbersome at best. I am sure it is just another excuse to become introverted and introspective.
"And the truth of it is, I wonder am I beautiful enough for you to kiss me true.."
http://www.iheartmusic.net/mp3/HawksleyWorkman-SeptemberLily.mp3
September Lily by Hawksley Workman
It isn't September and I haven't seen a lily in a long time but September Lilly has been stuck in my head all afternoon. I listened to the brilliant song earlier in the day and it has lingered with me beyond the daylight and its fading. The disappearance after the appearance of the rarely seen brilliant colours of a November Canadian sunset. At least for me. Of course, the daylight has been fading with each passing day and we are left trying to recover our satellites. The thoughts which orbit us, inhibit us and define us, whether accurately or inaccurately, partially or completely, only when we are completed will our orbit be truly defined.
john.
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