http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tCZ7vnxIP3E
Halloween Head by Ryan Adams
It actually snowed the other day. The damage it caused to the trees and their branches was bad. Victoria Park looked like a tornado went through it and many older trees didn't survive. Snow in October is nothing new to Southern Ontario but it has been years since we had that much snow this early. I imagine many of the trees I took pictures of a couple of weeks ago have been altered greatly. I will post some of those pictures below. I never got out to capture the snow damage. I am sure you can imagine autumn coloured trees bending under the weight of wet snow. Nature gives and nature takes, much like humanity.
I don't like holidays, gatherings or much of anything I have to think too long about. Just knowing there is a party, trip or other event coming up drives me nuts. I think about them until I no longer want to be apart of them, it isn't normal. How can you be so stressed about events which are supposed to be fun. You would think these things would get easier as I get older but they aren't. Much like wanting to search for love, there are just so many reasons not to and those reasons get more abundant with age.
I wrote the following yesterday.
The Skin Always Bleeding
Blood drips like water
Pain does not matter
The world continues on
With you and without me
I am mistake prone
Cut through to bone
The skin always bleeding
My heart never loving
What appears before me
A vague concept of beauty
Is all I will ever comprehend
Despite intermittent brilliance
My mind refuses to think
Before it destroys everything
I have spent days building
A castle of hope crumbling
The sand turning to mud
When November rain comes
Summer is definitely gone
A face erased in a memory
Her features indistinguishable
Though I remember loving her
Why, becomes an obvious question
The answer now does not matter
All the blood has mixed into water
Creating a dark red pool of truth
I cannot be reflected or identified
Unfortunately not quite invisible
There are traces of my fingerprints
Across disappointing thoughts
Coming from those who knew me
Less than most people can claim
I do not want to exist like this
A fragment of a whole person
One who is always hiding
Some semblance of shame
Physically and emotionally raw
Unwilling to ask for help
Walking around in a circle
Never able to get anywhere
I have ever wanted to be
Every day is a Monday
Every month is November
Every heart is taken
Every moment is lost
Making me life’s loser
The person who should win
Though never really does
Because I do not love myself
There is nothing worse than this
Even a year of November days.
10/30/08
I am currently reading The Gathering by Anne Enright, it is really good, sarcastic and melancholy. I think I belong in Ireland or along the coast of Scotland.
The following clips are from Ryan Adams performance Wednesday night on Letterman, he and the Cardinals performed two songs from their Cardinology album out this week. I have given it a listen, it is good, but not as good as 2007's Easy Tiger.
Fix It
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Si14rmNJcvA
Cobwebs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQgj_ajClJY
The following are a few clips from Counting Crows and their 3 day stand in New Jersey this week.
Angels of the Silences (Electric)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ZdFiA_RnTs
When I Dream of Michelangelo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I2YNBveCrLo
Round Here
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9Nv2uZeLqE
Enjoy your Halloween, I just can't get into the holiday this year. Also I am not really looking forward to November, such a depressing month, even for a person like me. I forgot about the pictures, I will post them soon, they are of autumn at its best. I am rarely at mine.
jr.
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